If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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