i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
