sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
