The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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