Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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