I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
