and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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