I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
