I've blown a few things in my day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
