I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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