I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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