woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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