guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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