We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
