now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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