if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
