i think i have two assholes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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