Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
