i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.