so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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