Who wears a wallet chain?!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.