Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.