Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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