Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.