i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
