I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
