When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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