I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
