I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
