I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pants are for mortals
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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