Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
