Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
