What a fucking waste of an outfit
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
