you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
