when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
