Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
