okay pat passed out under dana's car
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
