There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
