I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
