Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
