I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
