if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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