yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
