I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
