really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
