I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
