If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
