I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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