Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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