you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
