Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
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Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize