Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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