He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
