his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
