As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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