The maid of honor just puked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
