Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
