OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore