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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.

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• (415): View more from California

  He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (360): View more from Washington

  High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?

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• (207): View more from Maine

  No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.

  (207): View more from Maine

  What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  As a home can we vote to stab Peter?

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