Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...