Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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