How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure