hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
