We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.