you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
