I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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