No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
