when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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