I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
