From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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