i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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