i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
