I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
