Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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