Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
