i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my poor anus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
