Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
