Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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