I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
did i just pee glitter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
