I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
