I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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