between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
