I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
