THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
