I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
