Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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