Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
