what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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