Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
