Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
