So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
