is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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