Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
