I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want to make out with him forever
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
