And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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