he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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