I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
