As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
