This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
